Humor, Life

What Scares You?

No, I’m not talking about the spider that just scurried across the floor or the zombies in a George Romero movie. Those are superficial fears (well mostly superficial, some spiders…*shudders*). I’m talking about the fundamental fears, the ones that shake you to your core. I’ll start with an obvious fear of mine…

Shower Curtain

I always check behind the shower curtain to make sure an existential crisis isn’t lurking              (Photo credit: ianqui)

Death

This one is pretty obvious. Death is a very scary thing because we don’t know anything about it, yet it’s so prevalent in our lives. It’s not so much dying that scares me, rather it’s thought of ceasing to exist. Many people have coping mechanisms for this such as religion which offers numerous explanations for what what happens after death, most of which allow peace of mind by guaranteeing that existence goes in some form or other. For those who cannot take comfort with this explanation that requires the utmost faith, death is a much scarier concept. Thinking more about it doesn’t really help though. It just invites paradoxical discussion about life that ends up leaving you with a sense of disappointment. Really the best thing to do, for me at least, has been to try not to think about it and just indulge in as many things as I can (like Cheez-Its).

English: A pile of Cheez-It crackers made by K...

Life is too short to NOT eat as many Cheez-Its as possible (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Not Being Able to Tell the Difference Between What’s Real and Fake

No, I’m not talking about being able to tell wether or not that Yu-Gi-Oh! card you just traded for is actually a Chinese bootleg, I’m talking about being disoriented so much so that you for some reason can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s an illusion.

20120406 Yu-Gi-Oh!

Hey, I’ll sell this card to you for only $5, my mom got it in China, it’s legit!                                   (Photo credit: kbrookes)

Look around you, everything you see seems tangible and you can say with confidence that, according to your perception, it’s real. Now imagine if that were not the cas. What if those same things you believed to be real were just an illusion? I feel like it would be like dreaming except you never “wake up” and return to a world of consistency. If it helps, imagine the last scene of Inception, yeah, just like that.

Solitude

No, I’m not talking about being left home watching Netflix on a friday night because you’re friends forgot to invite you to something, I’m talking about the absence of sensory engagement with the world. When left to our own devices, we become more aware of ourselves because that’s the only concrete thing left. It’s like self-reflection on overdrive. Everything about your being is suddenly brought to forefront of your mind. Hopefully you get a sense of what I’m trying to describe, I’m not always the clearest writer and I will not apologize for that.

So, what scares you?

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Humor, Life

3 Things I’ve Learned While Working At Smashburger

Before I begin the actual content of this post, I must say, it’s surprisingly nerve-wracking thinking of what to put as the first real post for a blog. It seems like the first blog post is a statement that dictates to people whether or not your blog will be worth reading. Then I realized that I could care less if you don’t want to read my blog just because my first post isn’t up to “par”. Anyways, I digress…

Like a lot of you reading this post, I have a job. Like a lot of teenagers in and just out of high school, my job is at a fast-food (well, more of a fast casual diner) joint. Therefore, many of you will be able to relate to these observations I’ve had about people at Smashburger. Now, I’ve only been working at Smashburger for a few weeks but my long shifts and numerous interactions with people have still allowed me to pick up on a few things like…

1. You Can Really Predict the Orders of People Just By Judging Them As They Walk In

Thanks to the corporate team at Smashburger, they have developed a menu that caters to wide variety of people. If you want your burger with bacon and anything else we have that can fit in a deep fryer, we can do that for you. If you’re a tree-hugging vegetarian, we also have a wide variety of menu items to cater to you as well. So when I’m bored at the register, I’ll often play a game with myself in which I predict what people are going to order based on my assumptions of them as they walk through the door.  The overweight mom with 4 kids clinging to her and whining for food is not going to want to hear about our signature salads, they’re going to order the greasiest, cheapest things we have on the menu. The man that just parked his semi truck out front could probably care less about the Black Bean Vegetarian Delight burger, he’s going to want the BBQ, Bacon, and Cheddar Burger. The soccer mom who just came from yoga is almost guaranteed to want to order the Chai Tea if I mention that we have it. It was quite surprising the number of orders that I was able to predict just by judging people. I’m still trying to decide if this a good or bad thing.

2. The Best Orders Are From the People That Base Their Order on Their Diet

Now, I’m not talking about people with dietary restrictions e.g. gluten-free, lactose intolerant, etc. I’m talking about people who come to a BURGER joint and try in vain to stick their “healthy eating” diet. For example, everyday I’ll take the order of middle-age women who are a little on the husky side but you can tell that they’re trying to adopt a healthy lifestyle. They’ll order our regular signature burgers but substitute the regular buns for “whole-grain” buns which somehow deludes them into thinking that what they’re eating is any healthier. I amuse them anyways and substitute the bun while thinking to myself “Honey, you really think that bun is gonna make your grease-bag burger (which is still very good I might add) any healthier? Oh that’s cute”. In what I consider to be a jokingly manner, I’ll ask if they want a salad on the side and to my surprise they’ll say “yes and with extra ranch, bacon, and blue cheese”. Stunned, I repeat the order to them, “So you want a greasy-half pound burger with bacon, lettuce, tomato, fried chillies, and guacamole on a WHOLE WHEAT bun with a side salad?” in a vain attempt to somehow make them realize that their efforts are pointless. The answer is always “and I’ll have a diet coke with that too”.

3. Fat People Will Never Like You

First off, this is not necessarily true for EVERY fat person. I’m restricting this to people that fall under the category of “obese to morbidly obese”, and again, this doesn’t apply to everyone in this category and this observation may be due to my limited exposure to these people. From the various encounters I’ve had (I’d estimate around 30 or so) with these sort of people, they always seemed to be pissed off when ordering. It’s as if I’m an obstacle to their instinct to just walk into the kitchen and start munching down on the food. As such, they’re usually a dick about their order. One guy questioned me as to why I didn’t alert him to the fact that you can put a SECOND half-pound burger on your burger and then he told me that I should learn to be more knowledgeable about our menu. Maybe I didn’t tell him that because no one decides the one patty is enough. Apparently I was mistaken. Hopefully my perception changes as I work more but wow, a lot of these people are very annoying.

UPDATE: In hindsight, glucose isn’t “basically the same thing” as gluten. Fixed.

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